PORN VALLEY - One nice thing about Mike Quasar's upcoming I Wanna Bang Your Sister from 3rd Degree is that, for the most part, the sisters actually look like sisters - and in one case, actually are.
Those two beauties are siblings Whitney and Britney Stevens, with Whitney playing photographer Alan Stafford's girlfriend, who's also applying for a job at a summer camp for slow children.
"They're not actually slow children," admits Quasar. "It's just that they don't move very fast. It's a camp for lazy children."
So while Whitney heads off to her interview, Alan's left with no model for his XXX (of course) website ... until sister Britney shows up. When Alan tells her, "I really need to get this content shot, otherwise we'll all end up living in a trailer park," Britney, who grew up in a trailer park, gets scared - so she's only too willing to step into Whitney's shoes for the shoot ... and you can probably guess what happens from there.
Possibly the funniest scene, however, has Sasha Grey and Joanna Angel in the kitchen cooking a "delightful soup" for Joanna's boyfriend James Deen.
"Of course, Sasha starts flirting with him," Quasar picks up the story, "so he tells Joanna that the soup really needs oregano, despite the recipe not actually calling for oregano. So she obliges and goes out to find oregano for him, which allows him time to bang Sasha Grey. Of course, when she comes back with the oregano, she wonders why he's not wearing pants, so he has to think quick, and he winds up having sex with her, and when that's over with, he decides he also would like some paprika in the soup, so she leaves again, so he can finish having sex with Sasha. We called it 'Jewish Wedding Soup.' And James says, 'You mean Italian Wedding Soup?' And Joanna says, 'No, it's Jewish Wedding Soup. The extra ingredient is guilt.'"
Adds Quasar, "I guess we're in the vanguard of anti-Semitic porn now" - but hey, how good can a religion be if it can't laugh at itself?
In fact, all the scenes here display Quasar's unique brand of humor. For instance, there's Dakoda Brookes, playing a recovering alcoholic, who tries to keep sister Tori Black from stealing her boyfriend (Mark Wood) by burning a lock of Tori's hair and stabbing a voodoo doll of her 32 times every time she's about to have sex with Mark. Sadly, even the old religions don't work for her, because while Dakoda's at an AA meeting, Tori entices Mark by emailing him some hot photos of herself, inviting him over to watch a movie ... and one thing leads to another.
Finally, sisters Lexi Belle and Riley Evans return from lingerie shopping, and Lexi's boyfriend Alex Gonz overhears them discussing how, since the gals grew up poor and like to share everything, Lexi offers to let Riley fuck Alex for his birthday.
"Clearly we didn't reinvent any wheels of any sort on this movie," Quasar says, "but it was well-acted."
We suspect the multi-award-winning Quasar's selling himself a bit short.
I Wanna Bang Your Sister, Vol. 1 from 3rd Degree streets April 14.